Week 16: Step 4 | Completing Col 4 of the Resentment Inventory Worksheet.

Week 16: Step Four Column 4

We are completing the fourth column of our step 4 nventory worksheet (found inside our big book awakening workbook) this week and preparing the worksheets for Fear Inventory next. 

Reminder: We are on break next week and will not meet again until May 2nd.  I encourage you to use the next week to regroup and catch up on any unfinished third and fourth column work on your inventory. This break is designed for you to take a deep breath and get clarity on your work. Please feel free to reach out and contact me with any questions. You can contact me through the website or view a schedule of assignments here: www.wholeinoursoul.com

Here in the fourth column, we set aside all mention of others and look solely at where we are to blame for the resentment we have been carrying against other people places or institutions. By following instructions on page 67 of the big book, the paragraph near the bottom of the page. We write down in black-and-white our own faults,  Setting aside completely all mention of others, and look for where we have caused harm. 

COLUMN 4: "Where had I been..." SELF SEEKING: Look around the whole resentment, "What did I do?" Where was I to blame?  Here I write down my selfish actions which tend to be adjective such as yelled, shunned, blamed, stole, lied, cheated, gossiped about, hit, Etc. 

Example: My selfish actions were Criticizing and yelling at my husband. 

SELFISH: "What was my selfish thinking while I was doing the above actions?"

Example: My selfish attitude was: How dare he! Who does he think he’s married to? talking to? 

DISHONEST: "What were the lies I was telling myself that resulted in my selfish thinking above?"

Example: I was in the delusion that my husband would not be negatively affected by my behavior, that my yelling and criticism would not push him away, creating more distance in our marriage, not less.

AFRAID: What are the fears that drive the delusion above?

I was afraid that my husband didn’t love me or would leave me. (Root Fear: unloved)

The above FEAR drives the DELUSIONS that result in the ATTITUDE that are behind my ACTIONS.  Can I see this playing out in my life where the big book talks about “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self pity. We put them on paper even though we had no connection with them” (pg. 68 pp1, L1)

Now fearlessly and searchingly, I look at where this whole domino effect has caused harm to others: 

HARM: Do I see the harm I caused? Look around the resentment as well. I look at all people in my world that this could’ve been affected such as Parents, friends, employers.

Example:  I harmed my husbands sense of intimacy, emotional safety and trust by yelling and criticizing him instead of rationally discussing my fears or problems. I harmed my coworkers and employers; I had a negative attitude, was grumpy and often stressed out at work because of what was happening at home. I weakened my relationship with the in laws, refusing to attend family events with my husband when we were arguing. I demeaned and disrespected my husband in front of his daughter. 

Consider if there are any fears that need to be on the list. Consider the opposite if each fear if it applies, add it to the list. Example: being alone/being committed? failing/succeeding?

Once completed I look carefully at columns from top to bottom. Can I see that while I am reading inventory from the top of column for to the bottom of column for, I am really living it in reverse. I am really living it from the bottom to the top. 

The FEAR drives the DELUSIONS that result in the ATTITUDE that are behind my ACTIONS.  Can I see this playing out in my life where the big book talks about “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self pity. We put them on paper even though we had no connection with them” (pg. 68 pp1, L1)

Now can I see that all of these fears are merely present day agnosticism’s? And that fear is running the show? I’m really not running my own life. Fear is.

 Next we follow the instructions in the BBA workbook to prepare for the fear inventory. See homework assignment week 17.