Week 19: Steps 5,6,7

Taking Your Fifth Step:

Prayer: “God, Please  help me face and be rid of the things which are blocking me from you, other people and myself. Please help me see the truth“

How to Guide and Receive a Fifth Step from Your Step Partner

Before, During and After

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Before

Read page 75 in your BBA workbook and do all that it tells you to do. 

Find a quiet private place to do inventory where you will not be disturbed by anyone knocking or calling you. A hotel room, private home alone, etc. You will need approx an hour for every 6 -8 inventories you have, especially if this is your first time through.  Remember, you are reading your inventory to God + another human being, you are not working your 4th Step, storytelling, nor analyzing during this time. Each inventory should take approximately 5 to 10 minutes  If you come across one that is really blocking you, it is worth spending a little bit longer on, but choose your time wisely. 

Eat a good breakfast. Pack a lunch, have water. You’re dedicated for the duration. Take breaks as needed. 

Take your Big Book, your BBA Workbook, Sponsorship Guide, Idiots Guide, BBA materials and Inventory worksheets with you. Also take a Red Pen. 

Begin with the fourth step set aside prayer and the 3rd step prayer. plus five minutes of silent meditation. The receiver asks to be of service, to be given the right thoughts, words and actions to help the giver to get free today.The giver prays for the truth to be revealed and for the things that are blocking her to be removed.  Receiver meditation: Invite god into this sacred container. Speak through me and through the step partner. Trust that we are now both guided; god is now running the show.  

During:

Open your Big Book Top of Page 72 through P75 PP2, L1, with BBA transcriptions from page 76 and 77 of your BBA Worksbook ("Considerations Before Step 5"). Read all of it aloud, in the first person. Once the reading ends with "We pocket our pride and go to it", we close the book and the Receiver asks the questions: 

* Can you see that a solitary self appraisal is insufficient?

* With you running the show, knowing all you are doing- can you see it's insufficient to actually get you free? 

The Receiver says...There are three things we are trying to accomplish today:

*A new attitude

*A new relationship with your creator

*Uncover your blockages so you can ask God to remove them

Refering to "...All their life story", I now ask the question: Do you have any take it to the grave type things that you haven't told anyone that you need to express to me at this time?

The Receiver says: I want to enable you to have the most transformative experience possible. If there is still some small item or even some big nugget of information that you're still holding onto, then you're still holding onto that sense of self, the agnosticism which blocks you. I'm here to be a vessel for that confidential thing if you need to leave it here with me today. (let them know you will ask again at the end, regardless). 

Referring to Top of page 75. First paragraph, The Receiver asks: Do you want to tell me what you're about to do and why you have to do it? ( opportunity  for giver to reconnect to the first step, and say why She is desperately in need of doing this. Refer to Idiots Guide if you have forgotten how bad it really is).

Read the next sentence p.75 of the Big Book PP2, “...we pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every darkening of the past"...Now, close the book and begin reading the inventory. 

Receiver's purpose: Help them identify what is objectionable about the way they've been living, thinking, and acting with others if need be.

Say: "We are now going to read your entire inventory before God. As we go they inventory more truth may be revealed. This in no way minimizes the inventory you have written so far. We are peeling back another level of what is revealed. Anything revealed here today is not trumping the truth you have already discovered on your own. It's ALL truth that is waiting to be revealed.”

Giver now reads inventory one page at a time, pausing at the end of each for the considerations.

At the end of each page reading by the Giver, if you see something the giver may be blocked from seeing, and you wish to guide or help unblock them you may gently suggest: I don't know if this resonates for you, but...(share where i see them playing god or making others their god, or something clearly objectionable such as lying, cheating, stealing). As the Giver goes through her inventory at the end of each two-page resentment inventory, ask the Giver the major questions of the fifth step process:

* Do you see the behavior here that is objectionable? 

* Can you see that on your on power that you could not have done anything different? 

* Is there still anything here that you are clinging to? 

When going through 3rd column, it's important to see why I am doing this. I've got to see why I am not living up to the role of assign myself and what my life looks like from the directors chair. These are the areas in which I am delusional (b/c I am doing the assigning) because I am playing God, it's all revealed in the third column. Usually the most objectionable statements come in the Security and sex relations categories. We tack on " to be okay" to the end of the sentence to see how I make others my god. In sex relations section of the 3rd column, I ask "how am I making myself wrong as a woman"? 

Addressing the Realization:

The Giver needs to go from her head to her heart. Ask the Giver if they can picture or feel that the other person in Col 1 is sick, like me. Not sicker than, just sick. It's about facing and being rid of the things that are blocking me; The need to see things as right or wrong, the need to hold onto the resentment, the need to see this person is sicker than me. All of these attitudes keep the resentment alive. (This excludes abuse, as we do not have a realization in abuse). We discuss and look until there is an internal softening. Only after you see this internal softening, this compassion,  can we move on to the fourth column. 

Notes for ther Giver in the Fourth Column:

Fourth column is merely a string of verbs; I shun, yell, judge. This is not the place for storytelling, if you find you are writing more about attitudes, that belongs in the next section ( selfish attitudes) Attitudes are the selfish thoughts that are running through your head when you're engaged in the selfish actions, such as don't you know who I am, who do you think you are? I deserve this (stealing), he deserves this (cheating). if you find you are still explaining and justifying, or focusing on the other person in col 1, go back and keep the focus on yourself and keep it simple. God knows the details, you need to get to the simple truth. Next we look into the *nature* of my defects ( the fear and delusion). These are the things I need god to remove, that I can't fix or solve on my own. "I am/was in the delusion that...",. Also in Fears, " I was afraid that..." See how the fears drive everything when the sheet is worked from bottom to top. After fears, I look at the Harm, and around the resentment.  I ask: What is the ripple effect of this resentment? I circle everything I find objectionable and write OBJ in red pen beside it. This makes it easier to find on my 6th step.

The receiver again asks is there anything on this resentment that you're still holding onto?

if yes, we discuss - referring back to step one and the third step decision.

if not, we set it aside for the end, and move on...time is of the essence...keep the giver moving through..

Next we go into the Fear Inventory. 

We begin with the fear inventory prayer, " God please help me see the truth about my fears". 

Giver reads the inventory aloud saying, The Giver says aloud "I have a fear of so-and-so, and so I have a fear of so-and-so" on and on until she reaches the end of each row, and each page. 

At the end of Fear Inventory the Receiver asks:

*Can you see that fear is a conscious decision to rely on self and not on God?

*Can you also see that when we begin to rely on God our fears fall from us?

*Do you find it objectionable that you are relying upon fear to run your life?

*Are you now willing to turn to God when these fears crop up? 

*Are you willing to outgrow your fear? 

 

Next, Move on to Sex inventory: 

Giver says BBA sex inventory prayer in P. 72 of your BBA Workook. Have step partner read the full sentence when reading answers on the worksheet. "where had i been dishonest"...The first page is informational, keep review brief; the meat and potatoes is found in the second page. The Giver listens carefully to the second page. 

*Did you omit the truth? 

*Lie by omission?

*Listen carefully to anwsers in each of the 9 questions

As a Food Addict I am both the most self aware and the most judgmental (critical) of myself ; neither is aligned with God. Can the Giver see this?

If I see the Giver being self punitive, this is my opportunity to channel god's love to them and support them in being more compassionate toward self. Remember Step 1 - If I took a real first step I know I could not have done any better on my own power. Lack of power is my dilemma. 

I ask again (for each Sex Inventory Sheet) the 3 major questions in the fifth step process:

*Do you see the behavior here that is objectionable? (have Giver mark OBJ with RED pen. 

*Can you see that on your on power that you could not have done anything different? Ex: Can you have compassion for that young mother/wife/little girl and see that she made the best decision she could at that time- the best she could on her own power? (compassion) 

*Is there still anything here that you are clinging to? 

Have them read their Sex Ideal aloud. 

Once the Sex ideal has been read aloud, we go back into Big Book, page 75. Giver reads the rest of the paragraph in the middle of the page. Then I ask them again..."Are there any take it to the grave things that have come up today in our work, realizations or simply anything you wish to leave here with me and with God today? Is there anything else I can help you be free of? Tell me now. We will get it out before God and leave it here in this room today. You do not need to carry it any further. 

Then have the Giver read The Promises and the rest of page 75. Ending with the word Universe. Close the fifth step with third step prayer and five minute meditation. 

Next go into 6 and 7 considerations. Read "returning home" Paragraph page 76. We read the proposals (steps) together and I review with them the first five steps. I review their questionable inventory sheets (if they have any) to help them find what is objectionable in red ink, what they have circled. The first five proposals mentioned in the reading = the first five steps.  Tell the Giver to return home for Step 6 and 7, to a quiet place or room where they will not be disturbed for one hour. 

After

Returning Home After reading Fifth Step Considerations...See Instructions on BBA Workbook P 78,79. Follow Them. 

We are building an arch that we will walk through a free woman at last. We have the Cement, the Foundation, the Cornerstone and the Keystone. Throughout the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W. made a number of construction references which eventually lead to the building of an archway.  The archway to freedom is complete after finishing the fifth step.

The Foundation (S1): It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more way required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would! (BB 12:4, Second Half of Bills Story) 

The Cement (S1): The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree (God, the 12 steps), and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. (BB 17:2, 17:3, Physical Craving | There is A Solution) 

The Cornerstone(S2): We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.(BB 47:2, We Agnostics) 

The Keystone(S3): This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are his agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.(BB 62:3, How It Works)

Having taken Steps 4 and 5 now allow us to take 6 and 7, as we commence the path to freedom. 

Next we take Step 6 and 7: After you gave finished giving your fifth step, return home. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals (first 5 steps) we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? (BB 75:3)

I review the Circle and the Triangle that I have hand-written in the front of my Big Book. I ask myself before God...

*Am I trying to make mortar without sand? 

*Where am I in the circle in the triangle? 

*Am I doing the work but not going to meetings? Not being of service?

*Am I not fully involved in all 3 areas of my triangle? 

*Is it objectionable to me? 

*Am I wanting more power? 

*Do I find it unacceptable that I am holding onto these nuggets of self will? 

*Do I think you can get the miracle without fully relying on God in this way?  i.e. by not doing all 3 of these suggested things in the circle and the triangle?

 

Next...sit before your pile of inventories and pick each one up one at a time. 

*Imagine sitting before the person in Col 1. Visualize him/her. 

*Ask yourself what do I find objectionable about the relationship? 

*And can I see that I couldn't do any better? 

*Am I now willing to turn to God with this? 

Set down the pages when you are finished with each one, giving everything to God.

Now, Listen to Dans recording on Steps 6 -7 found on this page: http://www.bbaworks.com/dans

Next, Review Dan's Step 6 and 7 Worksheet. Have you cleaned your house completely? Call your step guide with anything you are unwilling to turn over. 

Next, Open your BBA Workbook to page 80 and follow ALL the instructions. 

When ready, say your Seventh Step Prayer: 

My Creator, I am now willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do Your bidding. Amen!

Having finished your 7th step prayer:
Now as you leave the room you are in, imagine the doorway as your arch...as you pass through, you are now entering a new way of living, walking hand in hand with your creator. The creator of your new life. You are on your way now, to a life free from addiction. Keep going to complete all of the 12 Steps.

You are striving towards a Spiritual Awakening sufficient enough to recover from Compulsive Eating and Compulsive Food Behaviors for good and for all. Remember, our book tells us we will have a Spiritual Awakening as a result of working the 12 Steps. We must take all 12 Steps earnestly to reach our destination.

Remember what the Big Book tells us in Step 2: Lack of power is my dilemma. To recover, we must find a power greater than ourselves and our addiction and be willing to rely upon it. We are seeking a relationship with a God that we can rely upon absolutely. A God that provides us with a sense of ease and comfort...equal to or greater than the sense of ease and comfort we got when picking up or acting out in our addiction. A God who can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. 

These thoughts must go with us constantly, as God goes with us constantly. 

God is my Director. he shows me where to go and what to do in my morning meditation. He is my Principal, showing me my direction in life; I am his agent speaking his words, thinking his thoughts, taking his actions as he would have me be. He is my Father, I am his child. He will never leave me to face anything alone. He is with me constantly, I turn to him with everything. He is all loving, all powerful. I rely upon his infinite ways, rather than my finite self. Give him everything you find objectionable, all that blocks you from him, from you, and from other people (his kids). Ask now that God remove it all from you, for you cannot be of much service to him if you are blocked. Express your deepest desire to be free of all that blocks you, if only so that so you can be of better use to him, and to others, as you believe God would have you be. You have completed step 6 and 7. 

Relax, breathe God in. Do something fun, enjoyable. Lets keep going, more will be revealed...

Every morning take the 11th step as described in the Big Book.
Every evening take the 10th step as described in the Big Book.

Return to the workshop on Wed. June 6 for Step 8.