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Monday Apr 13, 2020
Meeting 1 of the 2015 BBA Workshop entitled Starving for God, as guided by Debbie L.
Recover from Undereating, overeating, binging, restricting, compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors. Here in this entirely free 12-step audio workshop with participants from all over the world, Speaker, Coach, Food Addiction Expert Debbie L. helps women get free from food addiction, overeating, bingeing and body obsession.
Friday Jul 13, 2018
Friday Jul 13, 2018
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Compulsive Eaters ( food addicts) and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”
In this final workshop meeting, we reflect on the spiritual awakening we’ve had, the steps we’ve worked, and approach the final frontier: working with others.
Am I under the delusion that the 12 step is optional?
Do I believe that I can recover for good and for all without working with others?
Do I believe I only need to work two sides of the circle in the triangle to experience the miracle?
We examine these and other questions, as well as explain in detail how to 12 step someone, according to the big book and the guidance of the big book awakening workbook.
Go out and give away what has so freely been given to you!
Friday Jun 29, 2018
Friday Jun 29, 2018
Step Ten: Continued to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admitted it.
Considerations:
Do I believe I need to continue to take my inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as I go along?
Do I believe I have entered the world of the Spirit? The ability to go to that place within me and bring out God in all my activities?
Do I remember that deep down inside every man woman and child is the fundamental idea of God?
And I have now been given the practice and the power to bring that out into the world as God’s agent?
Do I believe that I should continue this practice for lifetime?
Do I believe I need to continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear? Do I know the four things to do if they crop up?
Do I believe I have begun to sense the flow of his spirit in me? And to some extent I have become God-Conscious? Has my intuition returned and have a come to rely upon it?
Do I believe my new attitude towards eating has been given unto me as a gift without any thought or effort on my part? Do I believe it just is there and that is the miracle of it? Do I believe this is my experience and this is how I react to eating so long as I keep in fit spiritual condition?
Do I believe I must go further and that means more action?
—
Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understood Him, praying only for God‘s will for me and the power to carry it out.
Considerations:
Do I understand the definition of prayer in this instance is asking God and that meditation is allowing God to direct my thinking?
Can I see why I shouldn’t be shy on this matter of prayer? And am I using it constantly?
Can I see the importance of meditation in addition to prayer?
When I retire at night am I familiar with the many questions the book asks me that help me constructively rreview my day? P. 86 PP1
On awakening am I considering my plans for the day and asking God to direct my thinking?
What conditions must I be under in order for me to apply my mental faculties with assurance?
Do I understand that when the book tells me I don’t struggle, it means I don’t worry about an answer? I trust it will come. P.86 P2
Can I see that on page 87 the book tells me to rely on divine influence...Not sponsors, meetings or steps. I may not always be aware of what God’s will is but I’m usually aware of what his will isn’t and that is a great place to start. He likely wouldn’t have me spend my days in worry, resentment and fear ( this blocks me from being of service). He would likely have me be kind, honest and patient to others.
Can I see on page 87, PP3 how the three concepts of a relationship with God originally described in the third step decision, have now become a way of life?
Father-Child: Belief that I will trust that God will always provide what I need.
Director-Agent: Belief that God will direct my life.
Principal-Agent: Belief that I will represent what God would have me be
A suggested practice for beginning 10 and 11 is shown on page 91 of your BBA workbook. It has a daily, evening, and morning suggestion.
You can also find worksheets for Step 10 and 11 on www.bbaintheuk.com on the Materials page.
—-
Melissa speaks on Step 10 and 11. In this recording you’ll find a 30 min Recap of the journey we’ve taken on 1-9 followed by a reading and discussion of steps 10 and 11.
In step one we learned about the threefold parts of our problem: the physical allergy, the mental obsession in the spiritual malady. We came to realize we were powerless over the trifecta of this addiction.
In step two we came to believe a power could exist that would do for us what we could not do for ourselves. We learned that prayer is practical because it is effective. It works.
In step three we made a decision to forever stop running the show, and to cease fighting anything or anyone, realizing our efforts to get other people to do, say, think, and choose what we want in life have never been effective (nor lead to a sense of ease and comfort in our own lives).
In step four we took a fearless and moral inventory of how we try to exert our will and our own lives and other peoples lives, to no avail. We see how her behaviors and characteristics of who we really are, deep inside. That we try to play God or make other people our God.
Specifically in column four of resentment inventory we looked at how we try to manipulate others when they don’t do as we wish. We began to see the root of all of our problems is fear (and delusion) and that it’s running our lives. We then, upon closer examination, could see that fear drove a delusion which caused us to adopt certain attitudes, which caused us to take certain actions, which created harm to others or allowed us to place ourselves in a position to be harmed. Our problems were of our own making. This was the good news. For no one else had to change in order for ME to live a sane and happy life of usefulness and abstinence. It was me who needed to change, but how?
We begin to understand how our problems were not out there in the world, but inside of me. And the manifestation of this uncomfortability inside of me, bubbles up outside of me and creates wreckage in the world and onto God’s children around me. We began to to admit to our innermost solves that this was a futile way of living.
In the fifth step we admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs, the things we were powerless to stop or remove...the things that only God could remove, if he were sought.
We saw plainly what was objectionable about the way we were living, that we could do no better on our own power, and admitted we were ready for God to make us whole again; we expressed our desire to be the man or woman God would have us be, to finally become unblocked by his all-reaching power.
We asked God to recreate our lives. We told him we were ready for him to have all of me, good and bad. We prayed for him to remove every single defect of character that stood in the way of our usefulness to him and my fellows. We asked for his strength as we go out in the world to do his bidding, his will ( not mine) be done...and to clean up the wreckage and debris and set things right, where we can. We made a list of people we had harmed in step eight, and in step nine we sought to make amends to them ALL.
Having completed our amends, the book explains the effortless lifting that God does of our desire to pick up an act out with food. The book advises us if we are having anything less than a deep and spiritual experience at this point, we are having a middle of the road solution. The book encourages us to search diligently within ourselves to see if we have skipped any of these vital steps described so far in the book. Have we made ALL our amends in the way described in the book? Where have we tried to make mortar without sand? How do we measure up to the way of living described in the circle and the triangle today?
The first 100 men and women of the Big Book advise us that while taking Steps 1-9 has been a great journey, we must go further, still.
Now at steps 10 and 11 we study the daily spiritual practice we will maintain for a lifetime. To keep our lives free of the wreckage we worked so hard to clean up, to stay in the lightness of being that only a god-reliant way of living gives us, this practice, the attitudes and the thoughts described in steps 10 and 11 must go with us *constantly*. For we are not cured of our addiction, we merely receive a daily reprieve - our desire to eat compulsively is simply suppressed - based on our fit spiritual condition each day.
We are reminded that while the wreckage we found in our inventory was an external manifestation of an internal problem, that the opposite paradox can also be found; that deep down inside every man woman and child is the fundamental idea of God. And we can manifest Gods beautiful work through us externally as well. We are his agents, he is our director. Steps 10 and 11 guide us carefully and specifically how to practice this daily way of living and being.
We food addicts are undisciplined so we let God discipline us in the way we have outlined here.
Thursday Jun 14, 2018
Thursday Jun 14, 2018
Step 9:
“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”.
Go Out and Make the Approach!
Adopt an attitude of being calm, frank and open. Hand in hand with God, begin knocking on doors and making phone calls to set up appointments so you can make your face to face amends. Try to make as many as possible. Each one will buoy you to the next. It is an exciting and liberating process.
Order of amends:
Do all face to face, willing amends first followed by any amends you’re willing to make through phone calls, then willing amends through letter writing. Once those are complete, begin to pray for those amends your are unwilling to make face to face, followed by those you are unwilling to make by telephone, and finally pray for those you are unwilling to make by letter writing.
Continue to pray and meditate over the amends you are unwilling to make until you are willing. Remember, you agreed back in the third step and again in the fourth step to go to any lengths for victory over your compulsive eating addiction.
Remember the Big Book tells us we may not recover if we do not take this vital step of making EVERY amends to best of our ability. You do not need to do amends perfectly in order to receive the promises. You just need to do them with a humble and willing heart. We bring the willingness, God does the rest.
We knock on the door + we make the phone call and we present ourselves hand-in-hand with God before those we feared or resented. God gives us the courage, the right words and actions, he protects us and guides us.
We are on new footing now, standing tall upon new ground. As God’s children we need not shrink before anyone. He’s got our back. Remember the new relationship you have painstakingly built with your creator these last 20 weeks: one where God is big and powerful enough to be father, director and principal of your new life. Ask yourself how free do you want to be?
A simple apology is not what we are after. An apology is not the same as an amends. Step 9 is about making right what you have wronged and cleaning up the debris regardless of how much another may have hurt you. We clean house, holding nothing back.
Your amends meeting should contain the following:
- Say: This is why I'm here, to clean up the past and any harm I caused you.
- Say: These are the harms I'm clear on...this is what I said/did that I believe caused harm/ regret/ feel remorseful about...
- Ask: Is there any other harm I have left out that you would like to tell me about?
- Ask: Would you like to tell me how any of this hurt you, personally or your family/company?
- Ask: Is there anything I can do set right these wrongs?
Note: If the amend is financial, arrange the best payments you can. Remember you're not giving up your money, time or truth...you;re giving back what is rightfully theirs, what you stole or omitted the first time around.
——
A few Dos and Don’ts Suggestions
DO
- Pray the 3rd step prayer and/or the 7th step prayer and meditate in the moments before making amends.
- Remember why am doing this: I am willing to go to any length for victory over my food addiction and compulsive over eating. I want to be rid of this affliction that may have plagued me for a lifetime. I want to experience the miracle of six and seven when I take steps eight and nine.
- Be sensitive, tactful, considerate and humble without being meek, servile, graveling or scraping. As gods people we stand on our feet as spiritual equals to all, we don’t crawl before anyone.
- Use neutral phrases like “I understand what you are saying", "I see I have hurt you", "what can I do to make this right?”
- Use active listening phrases such as “I see” or “Really?” or “oh?, tell me more about that”.
- Close your mouth and open your ears. Maintain eye contact, do not interrupt the person talking to you. It is often helpful to quietly nod in acknowledgment as they are sharing their experience with you, even if you don’t agree with what they are saying.
- Open your heart and mind for a new experience. Acknowledging someones experience does not mean agreeing with them. But it shows the dignity and respect they deserve.
- Whatever their words, express plainly your remorse and regret towards the harm you’ve caused them in response. Avoid explaining your side. God knows your whole story. This person doesn’t need to. What this person needs is for you to approach them with an entire deportment based on patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.
DON’Ts
- Do not make excuses or say that you didn’t intend to harm them. Intent is not important in amends; this isn’t about you. Your humble expression of remorse and regret, with a sincere willingness to set right any wrongs is what matters here. Don’t ask for forgiveness or anything else. This is a time of giving freely- not a time of asking for something for yourself.
- Do not - under any circumstances - criticize or argue with the person in reaction to what they say. This is not about YOU being right. Remember inventory tells us that often times we have conflict with other people who are sick like me. Amends is about cleaning up debris caused by the harms you inflicted on others. It is not uncommon for you to have a different perspective than the person you are making amends with. That’s neither here nor there. You hold no opinion on that, as it is an outside matter where only your amends are concerned.
- Do not make the amends about your own story or perspective. Do not get caught up in explaining. Remember, similar to column 4 resentment Inventory in which we set aside the other person entirely, (since this is my inventory not theirs) when we make amends we set aside others beaviors towards us entirely...this is my amends to him or her...I should have no expectation that the other person will see things from my perspective, want to apologize for harms towards me, or anything else. Expectations are premeditated resentments. Best to leave them outside. If I’ve done a proper resentment inventory, I know that this person may be sick like me, but it’s ME who is saying the prayer for God to save me from being angry. It is ME who is seeking God’s will (not mine) be done. It is ME who is asking God for me to be of service to the man or woman that sits across from me. God knows the whole story, I’m just there to clean up my own wreckage and debris. Remember frankness, as well as loving kindliness is the deportment I strive to embody.
—-
Extra Snippet!
Listen to the last few minutes of the recording shown here, after the five minute meditation closing. I explain some more particulars about how you might wish to depart, end or leave the amends meeting. Some food addicts have said leaving the amends when finished has been the most awkward part, here I have some suggestions of how to keep it simple.
——-
Next Week: Step 10+11
- Read in AA Big Book, pages 84 & 85, step 10.
- Transcribe BBA Workbook Considerations pages 86 – 88 into your AA Big Book
Thursday Jun 07, 2018
Thursday Jun 07, 2018
Step 8: Made a list of all person we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Use the set-aside prayer and the seventh step prayer.
How do i make this list? I look at the harms I’ve identified in the resentment and sex inventories. Include any “take it to the graves” people to whom you’ve caused harm.
There are also amends that are due that are not found in any written inventory. These can be uncovered through daily prayer and meditation asking God to show you who you’ve harmed or give you an intuitive thought.
Make sure you are clear on who you’ve caused harm to; persons you stole time, trust or money from or persons you hurt either intentionally or unintentionally that did not show up in a resentment inventory.
There may be many people that you did not resent, but that you’ve harmed. Take this to prayer and meditation and ask God to reveal to you anyone you might’ve caused harm to even though you had no resentment in connection to them.
Use the process described in this workshop recording to create your list. Use index cards and not individual pieces of paper. Follow the format described on page 81 of the BBA workbook in order to fill out your index card.
Thursday May 17, 2018
Thursday May 17, 2018
Taking Your Fifth Step:
Prayer: “God, Please help me face and be rid of the things which are blocking me from you, other people and myself. Please help me see the truth“
How to Guide and Receive a Fifth Step from Your Step Partner
Before, During and After
————-
Before
Read page 75 in your BBA workbook and do all that it tells you to do.
Find a quiet private place to do inventory where you will not be disturbed by anyone knocking or calling you. A hotel room, private home alone, etc. You will need approx an hour for every 6 -8 inventories you have, especially if this is your first time through. Remember, you are reading your inventory to God + another human being, you are not working your 4th Step, storytelling, nor analyzing during this time. Each inventory should take approximately 5 to 10 minutes If you come across one that is really blocking you, it is worth spending a little bit longer on, but choose your time wisely.
Eat a good breakfast. Pack a lunch, have water. You’re dedicated for the duration. Take breaks as needed.
Take your Big Book, your BBA Workbook, Sponsorship Guide, Idiots Guide, BBA materials and Inventory worksheets with you. Also take a Red Pen.
Begin with the fourth step set aside prayer and the 3rd step prayer. plus five minutes of silent meditation. The receiver asks to be of service, to be given the right thoughts, words and actions to help the giver to get free today.The giver prays for the truth to be revealed and for the things that are blocking her to be removed. Receiver meditation: Invite god into this sacred container. Speak through me and through the step partner. Trust that we are now both guided; god is now running the show.
During:
Open your Big Book Top of Page 72 through P75 PP2, L1, with BBA transcriptions from page 76 and 77 of your BBA Worksbook ("Considerations Before Step 5"). Read all of it aloud, in the first person. Once the reading ends with "We pocket our pride and go to it", we close the book and the Receiver asks the questions:
* Can you see that a solitary self appraisal is insufficient?
* With you running the show, knowing all you are doing- can you see it's insufficient to actually get you free?
The Receiver says...There are three things we are trying to accomplish today:
*A new attitude
*A new relationship with your creator
*Uncover your blockages so you can ask God to remove them
Refering to "...All their life story", I now ask the question: Do you have any take it to the grave type things that you haven't told anyone that you need to express to me at this time?
The Receiver says: I want to enable you to have the most transformative experience possible. If there is still some small item or even some big nugget of information that you're still holding onto, then you're still holding onto that sense of self, the agnosticism which blocks you. I'm here to be a vessel for that confidential thing if you need to leave it here with me today. (let them know you will ask again at the end, regardless).
Referring to Top of page 75. First paragraph, The Receiver asks: Do you want to tell me what you're about to do and why you have to do it? ( opportunity for giver to reconnect to the first step, and say why She is desperately in need of doing this. Refer to Idiots Guide if you have forgotten how bad it really is).
Read the next sentence p.75 of the Big Book PP2, “...we pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every darkening of the past"...Now, close the book and begin reading the inventory.
Receiver's purpose: Help them identify what is objectionable about the way they've been living, thinking, and acting with others if need be.
Say: "We are now going to read your entire inventory before God. As we go they inventory more truth may be revealed. This in no way minimizes the inventory you have written so far. We are peeling back another level of what is revealed. Anything revealed here today is not trumping the truth you have already discovered on your own. It's ALL truth that is waiting to be revealed.”
Giver now reads inventory one page at a time, pausing at the end of each for the considerations.
At the end of each page reading by the Giver, if you see something the giver may be blocked from seeing, and you wish to guide or help unblock them you may gently suggest: I don't know if this resonates for you, but...(share where i see them playing god or making others their god, or something clearly objectionable such as lying, cheating, stealing). As the Giver goes through her inventory at the end of each two-page resentment inventory, ask the Giver the major questions of the fifth step process:
* Do you see the behavior here that is objectionable?
* Can you see that on your on power that you could not have done anything different?
* Is there still anything here that you are clinging to?
When going through 3rd column, it's important to see why I am doing this. I've got to see why I am not living up to the role of assign myself and what my life looks like from the directors chair. These are the areas in which I am delusional (b/c I am doing the assigning) because I am playing God, it's all revealed in the third column. Usually the most objectionable statements come in the Security and sex relations categories. We tack on " to be okay" to the end of the sentence to see how I make others my god. In sex relations section of the 3rd column, I ask "how am I making myself wrong as a woman"?
Addressing the Realization:
The Giver needs to go from her head to her heart. Ask the Giver if they can picture or feel that the other person in Col 1 is sick, like me. Not sicker than, just sick. It's about facing and being rid of the things that are blocking me; The need to see things as right or wrong, the need to hold onto the resentment, the need to see this person is sicker than me. All of these attitudes keep the resentment alive. (This excludes abuse, as we do not have a realization in abuse). We discuss and look until there is an internal softening. Only after you see this internal softening, this compassion, can we move on to the fourth column.
Notes for ther Giver in the Fourth Column:
Fourth column is merely a string of verbs; I shun, yell, judge. This is not the place for storytelling, if you find you are writing more about attitudes, that belongs in the next section ( selfish attitudes) Attitudes are the selfish thoughts that are running through your head when you're engaged in the selfish actions, such as don't you know who I am, who do you think you are? I deserve this (stealing), he deserves this (cheating). if you find you are still explaining and justifying, or focusing on the other person in col 1, go back and keep the focus on yourself and keep it simple. God knows the details, you need to get to the simple truth. Next we look into the *nature* of my defects ( the fear and delusion). These are the things I need god to remove, that I can't fix or solve on my own. "I am/was in the delusion that...",. Also in Fears, " I was afraid that..." See how the fears drive everything when the sheet is worked from bottom to top. After fears, I look at the Harm, and around the resentment. I ask: What is the ripple effect of this resentment? I circle everything I find objectionable and write OBJ in red pen beside it. This makes it easier to find on my 6th step.
The receiver again asks is there anything on this resentment that you're still holding onto?
if yes, we discuss - referring back to step one and the third step decision.
if not, we set it aside for the end, and move on...time is of the essence...keep the giver moving through..
Next we go into the Fear Inventory.
We begin with the fear inventory prayer, " God please help me see the truth about my fears".
Giver reads the inventory aloud saying, The Giver says aloud "I have a fear of so-and-so, and so I have a fear of so-and-so" on and on until she reaches the end of each row, and each page.
At the end of Fear Inventory the Receiver asks:
*Can you see that fear is a conscious decision to rely on self and not on God?
*Can you also see that when we begin to rely on God our fears fall from us?
*Do you find it objectionable that you are relying upon fear to run your life?
*Are you now willing to turn to God when these fears crop up?
*Are you willing to outgrow your fear?
Next, Move on to Sex inventory:
Giver says BBA sex inventory prayer in P. 72 of your BBA Workook. Have step partner read the full sentence when reading answers on the worksheet. "where had i been dishonest"...The first page is informational, keep review brief; the meat and potatoes is found in the second page. The Giver listens carefully to the second page.
*Did you omit the truth?
*Lie by omission?
*Listen carefully to anwsers in each of the 9 questions
As a Food Addict I am both the most self aware and the most judgmental (critical) of myself ; neither is aligned with God. Can the Giver see this?
If I see the Giver being self punitive, this is my opportunity to channel god's love to them and support them in being more compassionate toward self. Remember Step 1 - If I took a real first step I know I could not have done any better on my own power. Lack of power is my dilemma.
I ask again (for each Sex Inventory Sheet) the 3 major questions in the fifth step process:
*Do you see the behavior here that is objectionable? (have Giver mark OBJ with RED pen.
*Can you see that on your on power that you could not have done anything different? Ex: Can you have compassion for that young mother/wife/little girl and see that she made the best decision she could at that time- the best she could on her own power? (compassion)
*Is there still anything here that you are clinging to?
Have them read their Sex Ideal aloud.
Once the Sex ideal has been read aloud, we go back into Big Book, page 75. Giver reads the rest of the paragraph in the middle of the page. Then I ask them again..."Are there any take it to the grave things that have come up today in our work, realizations or simply anything you wish to leave here with me and with God today? Is there anything else I can help you be free of? Tell me now. We will get it out before God and leave it here in this room today. You do not need to carry it any further.
Then have the Giver read The Promises and the rest of page 75. Ending with the word Universe. Close the fifth step with third step prayer and five minute meditation.
Next go into 6 and 7 considerations. Read "returning home" Paragraph page 76. We read the proposals (steps) together and I review with them the first five steps. I review their questionable inventory sheets (if they have any) to help them find what is objectionable in red ink, what they have circled. The first five proposals mentioned in the reading = the first five steps. Tell the Giver to return home for Step 6 and 7, to a quiet place or room where they will not be disturbed for one hour.
After
Returning Home After reading Fifth Step Considerations...See Instructions on BBA Workbook P 78,79. Follow Them.
We are building an arch that we will walk through a free woman at last. We have the Cement, the Foundation, the Cornerstone and the Keystone. Throughout the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W. made a number of construction references which eventually lead to the building of an archway. The archway to freedom is complete after finishing the fifth step.
The Foundation (S1): It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more way required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would! (BB 12:4, Second Half of Bills Story)
The Cement (S1): The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree (God, the 12 steps), and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. (BB 17:2, 17:3, Physical Craving | There is A Solution)
The Cornerstone(S2): We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.(BB 47:2, We Agnostics)
The Keystone(S3): This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are his agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.(BB 62:3, How It Works)
Having taken Steps 4 and 5 now allow us to take 6 and 7, as we commence the path to freedom.
Next we take Step 6 and 7: After you gave finished giving your fifth step, return home. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals (first 5 steps) we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? (BB 75:3)
I review the Circle and the Triangle that I have hand-written in the front of my Big Book. I ask myself before God...
*Am I trying to make mortar without sand?
*Where am I in the circle in the triangle?
*Am I doing the work but not going to meetings? Not being of service?
*Am I not fully involved in all 3 areas of my triangle?
*Is it objectionable to me?
*Am I wanting more power?
*Do I find it unacceptable that I am holding onto these nuggets of self will?
*Do I think you can get the miracle without fully relying on God in this way? i.e. by not doing all 3 of these suggested things in the circle and the triangle?
Next...sit before your pile of inventories and pick each one up one at a time.
*Imagine sitting before the person in Col 1. Visualize him/her.
*Ask yourself what do I find objectionable about the relationship?
*And can I see that I couldn't do any better?
*Am I now willing to turn to God with this?
Set down the pages when you are finished with each one, giving everything to God.
Now, Listen to Dans recording on Steps 6 -7 found on this page: http://www.bbaworks.com/dans
Next, Review Dan's Step 6 and 7 Worksheet. Have you cleaned your house completely? Call your step guide with anything you are unwilling to turn over.
Next, Open your BBA Workbook to page 80 and follow ALL the instructions.
When ready, say your Seventh Step Prayer:
My Creator, I am now willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do Your bidding. Amen!
Having finished your 7th step prayer:
Now as you leave the room you are in, imagine the doorway as your arch...as you pass through, you are now entering a new way of living, walking hand in hand with your creator. The creator of your new life. You are on your way now, to a life free from addiction. Keep going to complete all of the 12 Steps.
You are striving towards a Spiritual Awakening sufficient enough to recover from Compulsive Eating and Compulsive Food Behaviors for good and for all. Remember, our book tells us we will have a Spiritual Awakening as a result of working the 12 Steps. We must take all 12 Steps earnestly to reach our destination.
Remember what the Big Book tells us in Step 2: Lack of power is my dilemma. To recover, we must find a power greater than ourselves and our addiction and be willing to rely upon it. We are seeking a relationship with a God that we can rely upon absolutely. A God that provides us with a sense of ease and comfort...equal to or greater than the sense of ease and comfort we got when picking up or acting out in our addiction. A God who can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
These thoughts must go with us constantly, as God goes with us constantly.
God is my Director. he shows me where to go and what to do in my morning meditation. He is my Principal, showing me my direction in life; I am his agent speaking his words, thinking his thoughts, taking his actions as he would have me be. He is my Father, I am his child. He will never leave me to face anything alone. He is with me constantly, I turn to him with everything. He is all loving, all powerful. I rely upon his infinite ways, rather than my finite self. Give him everything you find objectionable, all that blocks you from him, from you, and from other people (his kids). Ask now that God remove it all from you, for you cannot be of much service to him if you are blocked. Express your deepest desire to be free of all that blocks you, if only so that so you can be of better use to him, and to others, as you believe God would have you be. You have completed step 6 and 7.
Relax, breathe God in. Do something fun, enjoyable. Lets keep going, more will be revealed...
Every morning take the 11th step as described in the Big Book.
Every evening take the 10th step as described in the Big Book.
Return to the workshop on Wed. June 6 for Step 8.
Thursday May 10, 2018
Thursday May 10, 2018
Prayer: “God, help me see the truth about MY conduct in relationships”.
SEX INVENTORY:
The Big Book says....”We all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't.”. What can we do about them?
Some of of us don’t believe we have any problems with sex; others believe we have too many and avoid it all together. But this section is not that simple. We review our own conduct over the years by filling out the two page worksheet in your BBA workbook pages 69 and 70 to get to the truth; perhaps we use sex, perhaps we avoid it.
Sex Inventory is not so much about the act of sex, as it is about allowing us to see how we conduct ourselves as a member of our Sex: Male or Female. How do I conduct myself as a Spiritual Man or Woman in my intimate relationships?
This worksheet asked us for a bit of background about the relationship and then it assess some important questions for consideration:
Where had we been: selfish, dishonest, inconsiderate?
Whom did we hurt? Did we arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness?
Were we at fault? What should we have done instead, if God were a part of this relationship or if we were god-reliant (instead of self-reliant) during the course of this relationship?
The book tells us to get this all down on paper and look at it. Take a good look. Can I see my motives for being in these relationships?
SEX IDEAL:
How would you, ideally, conduct yourself in future relationships as A God-reliant man or woman? We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity and for strength to do the right thing. We accumulate the answers and number nine of our sex inventory worksheet and compose all of them into a few paragraphs describing how we believe God would have us conduct ourselves in relationships today - and in the future. How would we like to be more honest and our conduct? What are some ideals we can strive towards, growing along spiritual lines as imperfect but with God as our Father, Director and Principal of our lives?
Be sure your sex inventory and sex ideal are complete before you go into your 5th step. This week is a good time to schedule your fifth step and to calendar the date sometime in the next few weeks. I will prepare you with everything you need to give your fifth step and to receive your step partners fifth step. Next week we will talk about how your step partner is a great person to do your fifth step with; but may not be the only person you can do your fifth step with. The important thing to keep in mind is that we want to do our fifth step with someone who understands what we are after; A deep and effective relationship with the God who can solve ALL your problems.... a God who will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. A god-reliant way of living, instead of a self-reliant way of living. A life of freedom, instead of a life of bondage to self.
Friday May 04, 2018
Friday May 04, 2018
Week 18: Fear Inventory.
In the second half of the call (which, we apologize, is not recorded) we said the fear Inventory prayer and went over how to complete the fear inventory grid. You can find instructions on how to complete the fear inventory in your BBA workbook on pages 64 and 65.
Fear is the underlying problem that FUELS the resentment. It is the root of our troubles. Fear touches every aspect of our lives.
The Big Book explains it like an evil and corroding thread in our lives. Fear is like a thief, stealing our peace. I cannot "wish" or "will" my fears away. Only God is able to remove what fears are blocking me from Him.
Fear can be healthy warning system that danger is ahead, but for most of us our fears are distorted. Here we list our fears and see how they manifest in our lives, seemingly almost endlessly one after the other.
Start your grid with the fears you listed on your resentment inventory and be sure that on your grid, no 2 fears end up in the same column.
Ask yourself for each row, why do I have this fear? Example: I have a fear of being wrong because i have a fear of being shunned. I have a fear of being shunned because I have a fear of being shut out and lonely. I have a fear of being lonely because I have a fear of being unable to care for myself. Therefore i have a fear of suffering. And that leads me to fear of pain, which leads to fear of overeating and that I am going to die this way, fear of being unrecovered, fear of death. This is what my life looks like run on fear, without God, in my life. Therefore I write No God, SRF (self reliance fails me) at the end of my row. So i write my fear Inventory across the row like this...
Wrong>Shunned>Shut Out>Lonely>inept>suffering>pain>binge>unrecovered>die>no god > self reliance fails me.
Continue to write the fears that come from other fears across the page from left to right until you run it out completely or you hit upon another fear already in the row above.
Can you see that with you running the show, and without God, all of your fears end with self reliance failing you? But with God all things are possible. If God is everything, all of your fears have no footing. If God is nothing, your self reliance fails you.
You were asked in the previous step if you wanted to go on to the bitter end, blotting our everything - or if you wanted to accept spiritual help. You were asked What is your choice to be? Is God everything or is he nothing? Can you see this choice more clearly in your life today having completed some of your inventory?
Remember a central experince in our fourth column was to consider if God were everything, would I have this fear? The fear which causes the delusion that drives the attitude which places me in a position to be harmed or harm others?
Can I see if I did not have the fear, then it would not drive the delusion, which would not cause me to adopt the attitude, and I therefore would not take the action that places me in a position to be harmed or harm others. By asking God to remove my fear, I remove harm from my life and other peoples lives around me. Can I see that fear is really my problem, and not the person in column one or the behaviors and column two? My problem is fear, not other people and institutions.
If I could see that God were my father, principal and director, I would know I am already whole and that nothing another human being gives me will make me complete. We are beyond human aid, but not beyond God’s aid. If I believed God is everything, I would not be trying to get anything from the person in column one.
Now consider if God is nothing and me on my own power is all I have, can I see the problem? The problem is not the person in column one - the problem is my fear. My fear is blocking me from being the woman God would have me be: already whole in my soul.
Assignment This Week
A. Complete the Fear Grid as shown on pages 64 + 65 in the BBA. If you find yourself jotting down a fear that you’ve already written in the columns above, stop writing from left to right in that row and simply enter No God - and then then the abbreviation SRF (self-reliance fails me). If I have written all my fears out from left to right in the column above, I already can see where that same fear takes me. Therefore there is no need to repeat it in any other columns on my fear inventory.
B. Read the AA Big Book page 69 (bottom) “Now about sex... - page 71
C. As you read BBA pages 71-74, put them in your AA Big Book pages 68 – 71.
D. Make a list of relationships. (Make a list of only your major relationships the first time
through)
E. Put each name on the top of a separate sex inventory sheet as explained on page 69 of the BBA.
Thursday Apr 19, 2018
Thursday Apr 19, 2018
Week 16: Step Four Column 4
We are completing the fourth column of our step 4 nventory worksheet (found inside our big book awakening workbook) this week and preparing the worksheets for Fear Inventory next.
Reminder: We are on break next week and will not meet again until May 2nd. I encourage you to use the next week to regroup and catch up on any unfinished third and fourth column work on your inventory. This break is designed for you to take a deep breath and get clarity on your work. Please feel free to reach out and contact me with any questions. You can contact me through the website or view a schedule of assignments here: www.wholeinoursoul.com
Here in the fourth column, we set aside all mention of others and look solely at where we are to blame for the resentment we have been carrying against other people places or institutions. By following instructions on page 67 of the big book, the paragraph near the bottom of the page. We write down in black-and-white our own faults, Setting aside completely all mention of others, and look for where we have caused harm.
COLUMN 4: "Where had I been..." SELF SEEKING: Look around the whole resentment, "What did I do?" Where was I to blame? Here I write down my selfish actions which tend to be adjective such as yelled, shunned, blamed, stole, lied, cheated, gossiped about, hit, Etc.
Example: My selfish actions were Criticizing and yelling at my husband.
SELFISH: "What was my selfish thinking while I was doing the above actions?"
Example: My selfish attitude was: How dare he! Who does he think he’s married to? talking to?
DISHONEST: "What were the lies I was telling myself that resulted in my selfish thinking above?"
Example: I was in the delusion that my husband would not be negatively affected by my behavior, that my yelling and criticism would not push him away, creating more distance in our marriage, not less.
AFRAID: What are the fears that drive the delusion above?
I was afraid that my husband didn’t love me or would leave me. (Root Fear: unloved)
The above FEAR drives the DELUSIONS that result in the ATTITUDE that are behind my ACTIONS. Can I see this playing out in my life where the big book talks about “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self pity. We put them on paper even though we had no connection with them” (pg. 68 pp1, L1)
Now fearlessly and searchingly, I look at where this whole domino effect has caused harm to others:
HARM: Do I see the harm I caused? Look around the resentment as well. I look at all people in my world that this could’ve been affected such as Parents, friends, employers.
Example: I harmed my husbands sense of intimacy, emotional safety and trust by yelling and criticizing him instead of rationally discussing my fears or problems. I harmed my coworkers and employers; I had a negative attitude, was grumpy and often stressed out at work because of what was happening at home. I weakened my relationship with the in laws, refusing to attend family events with my husband when we were arguing. I demeaned and disrespected my husband in front of his daughter.
Consider if there are any fears that need to be on the list. Consider the opposite if each fear if it applies, add it to the list. Example: being alone/being committed? failing/succeeding?
Once completed I look carefully at columns from top to bottom. Can I see that while I am reading inventory from the top of column for to the bottom of column for, I am really living it in reverse. I am really living it from the bottom to the top.
The FEAR drives the DELUSIONS that result in the ATTITUDE that are behind my ACTIONS. Can I see this playing out in my life where the big book talks about “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self pity. We put them on paper even though we had no connection with them” (pg. 68 pp1, L1)
Now can I see that all of these fears are merely present day agnosticism’s? And that fear is running the show? I’m really not running my own life. Fear is.
Next we follow the instructions in the BBA workbook to prepare for the fear inventory. See homework assignment week 17.
Saturday Apr 14, 2018
Saturday Apr 14, 2018
Week 15: Resentment Inventory
STEP 4 Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves
This is where I can see how I've been "running the show" (step 3) and how I think people need to behave, what I need people to believe I am, what roles I think people need to play in order for me to be "Okay".
See the bottom of BB page 64 for the 7 areas of 'self'.
Last we looked at the first 4 areas of 'self' in the 3rd column: Remember...The FEAR is usually opposite of the role you and others play.
This week we complete the last half of COLUMN 3: Affects my...
Personal Relations: My deep-seated beliefs of how this relationship is supposed to look: Ex. Wives trust their husbands . (Fear: not being trusted) Mothers respect their son's choices (Fear: disrespected) Real friends always agree with me (Fear: not validated)
Sex Relations: My deep seated beliefs of how men or women are supped to be. If you are a man, start your sentence...Ex. "A real man...." If you are a woman, start you sentence...Ex "A real woman..." Ex: A real woman is respected by everyone (Fear: being disrespected)
Pocket Book: Affect my finances. Start sentence with--- No one should or others (can, should, shouldn't) Ex: No one should see me struggle financially (Fear: being vulnerable) T
Once we have finished the 3rd column completely, we turn the page over to reveal the mirror. Now we get to take a look at ourselves and see the truth- that we are more alike than different from the person we have in our first column, We see how we have behaved like them in the second column.
Realization: "How have I done the things I've resented in Column 2 to the person I've listed in Column 1 and/or OTHERS?" (P.66 PP3) "this was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were, perhaps, spiritually sick...like ourselves")
Guess what? The REALIZATION is usually only a reflection of what you wrote in the 2nd column!
SKIP THE REALIZATION IF IT IS NOT A PERSON
In cases of abuse, there is no realization (unless you have also been a perpetrator) that you have behaved like them. If you have not, the realization should be left BLANK.
Continue saying the 3rd step prayer and the set aside prayer on your knees morning and ight. Continue conduscting a daily 10th and 11th step, growing nearer to God. "What at first appears a flimsy reed becomes the loving and powerful hand of God".
Saturday Apr 14, 2018
Saturday Apr 14, 2018
Week 15: Resentment Inventory
STEP 4 Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves
This is where I can see how I've been "running the show" (step 3) and how I think people need to behave, what I need people to believe I am, what roles I think people need to play in order for me to be "Okay".
See the bottom of BB page 64 for the 7 areas of 'self'.
Last we looked at the first 4 areas of 'self' in the 3rd column: Remember...The FEAR is usually opposite of the role you and others play.
This week we complete the last half of COLUMN 3: Affects my...
Personal Relations: My deep-seated beliefs of how this relationship is supposed to look: Ex. Wives trust their husbands . (Fear: not being trusted) Mothers respect their son's choices (Fear: disrespected) Real friends always agree with me (Fear: not validated)
Sex Relations: My deep seated beliefs of how men or women are supped to be. If you are a man, start your sentence...Ex. "A real man...." If you are a woman, start you sentence...Ex "A real woman..." Ex: A real woman is respected by everyone (Fear: being disrespected)
Pocket Book: Affect my finances. Start sentence with--- No one should or others (can, should, shouldn't) Ex: No one should see me struggle financially (Fear: being vulnerable) T
Once we have finished the 3rd column completely, we turn the page over to reveal the mirror. Now we get to take a look at ourselves and see the truth- that we are more alike than different from the person we have in our first column, We see how we have behaved like them in the second column.
Realization: "How have I done the things I've resented in Column 2 to the person I've listed in Column 1 and/or OTHERS?" (P.66 PP3) "this was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were, perhaps, spiritually sick...like ourselves")
Guess what? The REALIZATION is usually only a reflection of what you wrote in the 2nd column!
SKIP THE REALIZATION IF IT IS NOT A PERSON
In cases of abuse, there is no realization (unless you have also been a perpetrator) that you have behaved like them. If you have not, the realization should be left BLANK.
Continue saying the 3rd step prayer and the set aside prayer on your knees morning and ight. Continue conduscting a daily 10th and 11th step, growing nearer to God. "What at first appears a flimsy reed becomes the loving and powerful hand of God".
Saturday Apr 14, 2018
Saturday Apr 14, 2018
Week 15: Guest Speaker Leah Speaks on Step 4 | The Second Half of Col. 3: Personal Relations, Sex Relations, Pocketbook and The Realization
Week 15: Resentment Inventory
STEP 4 Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves
This is where I can see how I've been "running the show" (step 3) and how I think people need to behave, what I need people to believe I am, what roles I think people need to play in order for me to be "Okay".
See the bottom of BB page 64 for the 7 areas of 'self'.
Last we looked at the first 4 areas of 'self' in the 3rd column: Remember...The FEAR is usually opposite of the role you and others play.
This week we complete the last half of COLUMN 3: Affects my...
Personal Relations: My deep-seated beliefs of how this relationship is supposed to look: Ex. Wives trust their husbands . (Fear: not being trusted) Mothers respect their son's choices (Fear: disrespected) Real friends always agree with me (Fear: not validated)
Sex Relations: My deep seated beliefs of how men or women are supped to be. If you are a man, start your sentence...Ex. "A real man...." If you are a woman, start you sentence...Ex "A real woman..." Ex: A real woman is respected by everyone (Fear: being disrespected)
Pocket Book: Affect my finances. Start sentence with--- No one should or others (can, should, shouldn't) Ex: No one should see me struggle financially (Fear: being vulnerable) T
Once we have finished the 3rd column completely, we turn the page over to reveal the mirror. Now we get to take a look at ourselves and see the truth- that we are more alike than different from the person we have in our first column, We see how we have behaved like them in the second column.
Realization: "How have I done the things I've resented in Column 2 to the person I've listed in Column 1 and/or OTHERS?" (P.66 PP3) "this was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were, perhaps, spiritually sick...like ourselves")
Guess what? The REALIZATION is usually only a reflection of what you wrote in the 2nd column!
SKIP THE REALIZATION IF IT IS NOT A PERSON
In cases of abuse, there is no realization (unless you have also been a perpetrator) that you have behaved like them. If you have not, the realization should be left BLANK.
Continue saying the 3rd step prayer and the set aside prayer on your knees morning and ight. Continue conduscting a daily 10th and 11th step, growing nearer to God. "What at first appears a flimsy reed becomes the loving and powerful hand of God".
Friday Apr 06, 2018
Friday Apr 06, 2018
Week 14: Step 4 | Guest Speaker Susie Speaks on First Half of Col. 3: Self Esteem, Pride, Ambition and Security.
This is where I can see how I've been "running the show" (step 3) and how I think people need to behave, what I need people to believe I am, what roles I think people need to play in order for me to be "Okay". See the bottom of page 64 for the 7 areas of self.
Last we looked at the first 4 areas of 'self' in the 3rd column: Remember...The FEAR is opposite of the role you and others play.
COLUMN 3: Affects my...
Self Esteem: How I see or feel about myself. The role I've assigned myself:
Ex. I am the best wife he could have. (Fear: not good enough)
Pride: This is how I think you and others should feel about me. The role I've assigned others. Ex. Others should see that I'm a great catch. (Fear: being judged)
Ambition: What I want to happen here. Start the sentence with "I want..."
Ex. I want my husband to stop telling me what to do (Fear: not being trusted)
Security: What I need here to be okay Start sentence with "I need...to be ok" Ex. I need to be respected to be okay (Fear: being disrespected)
This week: Complete the first 4 things in the 3rd column on each resentment inventory, as instructed in the BBA on pages 56 & 57. Put BBA page 62 - 63 in Big Book (starting on the bottom of page 66 "We turn back..." to the middle of page 67 "set matters straight".
Friday Apr 06, 2018
Friday Apr 06, 2018
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves
page 64-65 in the Big Book
In our step-work this week we review Col. one and two, discussing a few ways to gain clarity in column two so we can get to the root of our resentment. We don’t tell the whole story of our resentment in column two. Our story of the resentment will come out plainly in column three. Keeping it simple, we sum up our resentment with a target statement of just a few words describing the resentment and place that in column two. . Then we move on to completing the first four parts of column three.
As I approach column three, I keep in mind my extended third step which I read each day for a week to my step partner. This can be found on page 25 of the Idiots Guide. Keeping in mind that I am like an actor who wants to run the whole show playing director, producer and all of the rules cast in the play of my life, I ask myself...where I can see how I've been "running the show" (step 3)? and describe...
How I see me/my role or how i need other people to see me
how I think people need to behave in my play
what roles I think people need to act out in my play in order for me to be okay, safe or happy in this world.
See the bottom of page 64 in the Big Book for the 7 areas of 'self' referenced here (in this assignment we do only the first 3).
We looked at the first 4 areas of 'self' in the 3rd column: Note: The FEAR is often the opposite of the role you and others play, but not always. Try that opposite fear on first then go from there. Limit the fears to 3 per section. So we complete column 3 in the areas below:
Self Esteem: How I see or feel about myself. The role I've assigned myself:
Ex. I am the best spouse s/he could have. (Fear: bad spouse/not enough/too much)
Pride: This is how I think you and others should feel about me. The role I've assigned others. Ex. Others should see that I'm a capable person. (Fear: incapable)
Ambition: What I want to happen here. Start the sentence with "I want..."
Ex. I want my spouse to do more around the house (Fear: overburdened/ overeat)
Security: What I need here to be okay. Start sentence with "I need...to be ok" Ex. I need to be respected to be okay (Fear: disrespected )
When you are finished call your step partner and discuss your experience of completing this assignment. You are welcome to share individual third columns if you wish but you were not required. It is OK to have a simple accountability call to make sure you are staying on task for your work, and to talk about your experience of doing the work.
Remember, you can always hear live examples of other members in various big book awakening workshops completing this third column on the general San Diego BBA website
http://www.bbaworks.com/workshopsaudio/
Friday Mar 30, 2018
Friday Mar 30, 2018
“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”- Step Four
Dozens of other workshops with full 4th Step recordings can be found on the audio page of www.bbaworks.com.
Now on the fourth step, we suggest you use the third step prayer both in your morning meditation and in your evening meditation, that is to say preceding your daily 11th step in the morning and your 10th step at the end of every day. We suggest you ask God for help with your fourth step inventory and seeing your truth plainly in the morning and in the evening.
The set-aside prayer for this section is “God, please help me face and be rid of the things and myself which are blocking me from you, other people and myself”.
Last week, we were asked to make a list of people, institutions and principles that we were angry with...We were asked to sit in prayer and meditation and write down every name that comes to your mind that needs to be on the list. Continue to make your list after praying and meditating, you will intuitively know when your list is done.
We read on the fourth step this week, remembering we’ve been brought to the third step decision by the ABC’s in paragraph three page 62 of the big book: I can’t, he can, he will. Saying my third step prayer morning and evening is merely an affirmation of my decision while I am carried in the grace of the prayer from step four through seven.
In our reading, we begin to get a picture of the admittance we described by taking step three; that my life run on self-will has been a complete failure, that self-reliance continues to fail me despite my greatest efforts. Therefore I have a deep and abiding need for a power greater than myself in order to recover. Next we launched into action…
We learned that we write inventory to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us from this power. We conduct our fourth step inventory not to find out who we are, but to become clear on who we are not. We see the various ways in which we play God in other peoples lives, or make them our higher power. This human reliance must be smashed, and replaced with a much more powerful God reliance for us to be made whole. But first we must uncover the things that are blocking us. This is why we write inventory.
We get down to the business of being plain spoken, and address the causes (Col 2) and conditions (Col 3) This is revealed in the second and third column of my inventory. But for this particular assignment week 13, we are only writing columns one and two.
We are reminded that our (fact-finding) searching and (fact facing) fearless mission is not about right vs. wrong, not good vs. bad, but from the perspective of....is this sick or well? My spirit has been sickened by the resentments I’ve been carrying around- driving my food addiction. Remember, acting out and picking up with food is but a symptom.
Here as I begin to write inventory I approach it with the new attitude (set of beliefs) as described in the experience we read about in Step 1, back on page 27...that is to say, from the perspective of “I can’t, he can, he will”. Now looking for, “where has my spirit been sickened?”, I consider my life decade over decade or all my relationships - perhaps from closest to farthest away - and make my list. When writing column two, I keep it simple.
I write with some objectivity and detachment - like a theatergoer 50 rows back, watching the show of my life. What can I see from this perspective? I sum up my condition (Col 2) target statement in three words such as “s/he shuns me” or “s/he abused me” “s/he lies to me” or “s/he rejects me”. We may hone these later, but this is a good start. We just went to get the offense down on paper; no need to write them perfectly. God knows what is in your heart. More will be revealed…
I do not judge myself or judge what I find in my honesty— for that will not help me recover; it will only block me from being honest. I am the only one who will see my inventory during my fourth step process. I only share with others in the group or my step partner what I want to.
I need not judge what I find about myself because I am not on a moral quest – I am on a fact-finding and fact facing mission...to face and be rid of the things that are blocking me from recovering completely from my food addiction, and all that encompasses.
I let the truth guide me in what is revealed, and trust the process. For when we sort out spiritually, we sort out mentally and physically. This is our promise.
Friday Mar 30, 2018
Friday Mar 30, 2018
Week 13: Step 4 | Guest Speaker Ann-Marie Speaks on Col 1 and 2
Ann Marie From San Diego California speaks on her experience of Step Four. Days after joining a BBA food recovery workshop with a 26-week commitment, Ann Marie was diagnosed with breast cancer.
She shares her experience of not only staying in the workshop and how she approached her fourth step, but some of the tribes and tribulations that came about as a result of getting brutally honest about her need to come to believe in a power greater than herself - and the powerful transformation of her relationships through working big book awakening.
Friday Mar 30, 2018
Friday Mar 30, 2018
“ Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”- Step Four
Dozens of other workshops with full 4th Step recordings can be found on the audio page of www.bbaworks.com.
Now on the fourth step, we suggest you use the third step prayer both in your morning meditation and in your evening meditation, that is to say preceding your daily 11th step in the morning and your 10th step at the end of every day. We suggest you ask God for help with your fourth step inventory and seeing your truth plainly in the morning and in the evening.
The set-aside prayer for this section is “God, please help me face and be rid of the things and myself which are blocking me from you, other people and myself”.
Last week, we were asked to make a list of people, institutions and principles that we were angry with...We were asked to sit in prayer and meditation and write down every name that comes to your mind that needs to be on the list. Continue to make your list after praying and meditating, you will intuitively know when your list is done.
We read on the fourth step this week, remembering we’ve been brought to the third step decision by the ABC’s in paragraph three page 62 of the big book: I can’t, he can, he will. Saying my third step prayer morning and evening is merely an affirmation of my decision while I am carried in the grace of the prayer from step four through seven.
In our reading, we begin to get a picture of the admittance we described by taking step three; that my life run on self-will has been a complete failure, that self-reliance continues to fail me despite my greatest efforts. Therefore I have a deep and abiding need for a relationship with a power greater than myself in order to recover. Next we launched into action…
We learned that we write inventory to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us from this power. We conduct our fourth step inventory not to find out who we are, but to become clear on who we are not. We see the various ways in which we play God in other peoples lives, or make them our higher power. This human reliance must be smashed, and replaced with a god reliance, for he has the power you lack, may you find him now. But first, we must uncover the things that are blocking us...This is why we write inventory.
We get down to the business of being plain spoken, and address the causes (Col 2) and conditions ( Col 3) This is revealed in the second and third column of my inventory. But for this particular assignment week 13, we are only writing columns one and two.
We are reminded that our (fact-finding) searching and (fact facing) fearless mission is not about right vs. wrong, not good vs. bad, but from the perspective of....is this sick or well? My spirit has been sickened by the resentments I’ve been carrying around- driving my food addiction. Remember, acting out and picking up with food is but a symptom.
Here as I begin to write inventory I approach it with the new attitude ( the new set of beliefs) as described in the experience we read about in Step 1, back on page 27...that is to say, from the perspective of “I can’t he can, now let him”. Now I look fearlessly at, “where has my spirit been sickened?”. I consider my life decade over decade or all my relationships - perhaps from closest to farthest away - and make my list. When writing column two, I keep it simple. If it is my first time through I keep the list to a manageable 40 or less.
I write with some objectivity and detachment - like a theatergoer 50 rows back, watching the show of my life. What can I see from this perspective? I sum up my condition (Col 2) target statement in three words such as “s/he shuns me” or “s/he abused me” “s/he lies to me” or “s/he rejects me”. We may hone these later, but this is a good start. We just went to get the offense down on paper; no need to write them perfectly. God knows what is in your heart. More will be revealed…
I do not judge myself or judge what I find in my honesty— for that will not help me recover; it will only block me from being honest. I am the only one who will see my inventory during my fourth step process. I only share with others in the group or my step partner what I want to.
I need not judge what I find about myself because I am not on a moral quest – I am on a fact-finding and fact facing mission...to face and be rid of the things that are blocking me from recovering completely from my food addiction, and all that encompasses.
I let the truth guide me in what is revealed, and trust the process. For when we sort out spiritually, we sort out mentally and physically. This is our promise.
Thursday Mar 22, 2018
Thursday Mar 22, 2018
As we take the third step, we consider the Keystone that holds it all together. We make a decision to turn our will and lives over the the care of God. The book is going to take away any other option I may have to stay stopped without God if I read this section carefully, I can easily see why.
Why do we read this HOW IT WORKS in meetings when the newcomer doesn't know the description of the food addicts, and therefore cannot see the need to take the step ?
After 8 weeks in step 1, am I clear on what the description of the food addict is? When I look in the mirror with rigorous honesty, do I recognize Myself in this description?
If I do, am I convinced of these a) b) c) ? I can’t, he can, he will. (page 60)
When I hear “ turn my will, my life and my thinking over to God”, what does that mean to me?
• Not just my relationship with food, eating and body obsession, but everything.
• Am I hearing in the rooms that God takes away my food cravings, but I run my life?
Or am I hearing that God is running EVERY area of my life: relationships, finances, career, family issues, school, personal life?
What if I believe that I just came to the workshop to stop acting out or picking up with food? I didn't come here to give everything to God. I just came here to learn to stop eating compulsively. I didn't realize this was a spiritual program until I did the work this way.
Do I find it a relief that not only do I not have to run my life anymore, (because, let’s face it: it’s pretty unmanageable or I wouldn’t be in this workshop) but what if God WANTS to run my life for me? He does. He wants to show up for me in all the ways that I need more power.
The Big 3rd Step Consideration
If there is a God, do I believe that this is HIS show...?
His play, he is the Director and I am just an actor?
Is He the Principal and I, his agent?
Is he the Father, and I, His child?
(page 60. 4th paragraph)
The book tells us the first requirement ( of step 3) is that I'm convinced. (page 61)
When I take an honest look at my life, my relationships, can I see clearly how I am running the show (badly)? Later, I will see this come out in my 3rd column of the 4th step.
Self centered does not mean what many of us think it means; that I think too much of myself or too little of myself -it’s really that I think of myself too often. I am my favorite topic, in thoughts, words and actions. This is what we mean when we speak of bondage to self.
Ex: When someone shares an experience with me, do I immediately Think of myself, and respond by talking about how I relate? Or do I express an active listening comment, such as wow that sounds really difficult or it sounds like you did a great job!
Substitute hyphenated "self" for God. Self-centered, self-will, self- propulsion, self-seeking....turn it into God-centered, God-will, God-Propulsion, God- seeking
(page 62)
Selfishness is not doing just for ME, but the disregard of others.
(last paragraph)
The 3rd step decision: How successful has your life been as the Director?
SURRENDER:
It's not about surrendering so much as it is that I have to see that I have to STOP PLAYING GOD. But how?
Do I see how I have been playing God in every area of my life?
Friday Mar 16, 2018
Friday Mar 16, 2018
As we approach the second half of the Chapter “ We Agnostics” we look at pages 51 through 57 in the Big Book.
Leaving aside the food question, is living on my own power enough? Do I believe my lack of power is the underlying reason why I am making an unhappy going of life? What does my step one inventory tell me?
When many thousands of people are able to say that not just a belief in God, but that the consciousness of the presence of God, is today the most important fact of their lives (while keeping an eye on my first step inventory of everything I’ve tried to manage my weight and life)...does this perhaps present a powerful reason why I should have faith in my own life?
Am I just is biased and unreasonable about the realm of the Spirit as people were about the realm of the material in ancient times? Do I not discard old technology for new simply because I have a believe that it will work? Could I not apply this belief to my own life with the same simple and reasonable willingness?
Have I come to my senses in step one and realize the conclusion that I am powerless over my food addiction or compulsive eating?
Am I satisfied with any recovery proposal which does not lend itself to a reasonable approach (step one) and interpretation (step two)?
When I really see step one, crushed by myself and this crisis, that I am unable to postpone Overeating any longer, do I believe I had to fearlessly face the question that either God is everything or else he has nothing? What is my choice to be? This is my second step choice.
To make this choice, we review the troubles or bedelivements listed in the middle of page 52, taking them into my morning meditation...consider each sentence, asking myself...what if God is nothing?
If God is nothing, can I see that I can only improve these things using solely the power that I can muster up on my own will in any given day? Isn’t that terribly limiting?
Then I ask myself...what if God is everything?
What if reliance upon faith could change and solve all of these problems listed in paragraph two, page 52?
What if God will empower my life and can move me infinitely beyond where I am today?
Now, make your choice.
Page 55, paragraph two, the question is if lack of power is my dilemma, where and how am I to find this power?
That’s what the rest of this book and the steps are about. The next 2 Paragraphs on page 55 explain exactly how and exactly where to find this power.
As I conclude step two, do I believe I can find the great reality within myself if I search fearlessly? Do I believe that God reveals himself to me as I reveal myself to me? as I get to my truth? If I can lay aside prejudice about God, if I can think honestly, if I’ve been encouraged to search diligently within myself, I can find God.
As I begin to see the truth, he will show me the way. There is only one must in this chapter, page 44: Have I faced the fact that I must find a spiritual basis of life or else?
Friday Mar 09, 2018
Friday Mar 09, 2018
We begin Step 2: We Agnostics, First Half, as read and explained by Michael N. from San Diego CA. Unfortunately, due to some audio feedback, the first few minutes of Father Mike’s talk has been edited. His recording begins about two pages in...
Friday Mar 09, 2018
Friday Mar 09, 2018
Recap and Intro to Step 2: We Agnostics
I must see my insanity in step one before I can go along with the idea of needing to be restored to sanity and step two. Am I clear that my behavior outlined in my step one inventory, the considerations I’ve made in my Q&A of my idiots guide, Is quite insane? Can I see that I’m doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result?
Are use the first half of step two, chapter 4, We Agnostics pages 44 through 57, as a tool to consider not God, but me as I am on my own power. How effective am I?
To help me come to believe that I actually need a power greater than myself, we go through this chapter underlining where we see no reliance on God, or where we see ourselves being self-reliant with her troubles whether it be food problems relationship problems, problems at work, feeling the blues, being vulnerable to misery and depression, being full of fear, or constantly worrying about the future.
Here in this chapter we make A clear definition known: an atheist denies there is a God, Wile and agnostic may believe in God but does not rely on God or even know if there is a God that will work in every area of her life.
The book asks us the question, do I believe that the main object of this book is to enable me to find a power greater than myself which will solve my problems?
Do I have any honest doubt or prejudice? Have I been violently anti-religious?
Do I mistake religion for spirituality or vice versa?
Does the word God bring up a particular idea of him which someone had tried to impress upon me during childhood, and perhaps have I considered that this idea is merely the idea created by another human, and not my real idea of God?
And do I know that I can reject another’s idea of God, while still embracing my own?
Am I bothered with the thought that faith and dependence upon a power greater than myself is somewhat week, or even cowardly? Do I think religion is for those who need a crutch? Do I think the same of spirituality?
Do I believe my own conception of God, however in adequate, is already sufficient enough to make a start, to affect a contact with God – provided that I take the rest of the steps to grow and effectiveness and understanding?
Do I believe there is a practical process here, they can take me from a simple willingness, to a belief and faith?
Do I understand on page 48, the book is telling me I better get something I can see and feel in my life from the steps. That the power I choose should be this practical.
Do I believe I have to not only come to believe in a power greater than myself in order to recover for good and for all, but also I must adopt a certain willing, open and honest attitude towards that power, and to do certain simple things, such as the rest of the steps?
Friday Mar 02, 2018
Friday Mar 02, 2018
As we complete step one and look at what happens before, during and after the dash, an eye-opening truth is revealed.
What have I learned in Step 1?
Has everything I’ve tried to control or manage my addiction failed completely?
Can I see that using BBA merely as information is another middle of the road solution?
Can I see I must find a spiritual solution - or else? Do I need more power?
Does finding a spiritual solution seem impossible, but to go on as I am means disaster?
Am I irritable restless and discontent? Am I vunerable to misery and depression? Do I have difficulty making a go of life? Do I have trouble in relationships? Am I full of fear?
Am I living like I need that next binge or to skip that next meal, even if I am abstinent?
Do I believe that finding a simple solution to these problems (inside of me) is more important than knowing what will happen in the future, outside of me?
Friday Feb 23, 2018
Friday Feb 23, 2018
Here, Susie H. shares her experience with Chapter 3, in the second half of More About Compulsive Eating; the insanity and the Mental Obsession.
Continuing to look at the Mental Obsession in Step One, we study the vague eating insanity as it emerges in our lives, causing us to act out or pick up without any physical reason, even when abstinent. As a Compulsive Eater or Food Addict, can I see how my mind (and not just my body) is quite different from the normal eater?
We read a few stories illustrating the insanity over and over again, where there is little or no reasonable explanation for which we can otherwise account. Mere physical abstinence is not enough to make us whole, or recovered. We continue to look at how our addiction stems from an internal condition that manifests externally, thereby giving insight and clarity as to why all of the years of dieting and exercise plans nor adoption of new moral codes- nor any amount of willpower- has ever been sufficient enough for us to recover for good and for all.
Thursday Feb 22, 2018
Thursday Feb 22, 2018
Recap on the Mental Obession. Continuing to look at the Mental Obsession in Step One, we study the vague eating insanity as it emerges in our lives, causing us to act out or pick up without any physical reason, even when abstinent. As a Compulsive Eater or Food Addict, can I see how my mind (and not just my body) is quite different from the normal eater?
Mere physical abstinence is not enough to make us whole, or recovered. Recap of Chapter 3 and Intro to Susie H. as she shares her experience with the second half of More About Compulsive Eating; the insanity and the Mental Obsession.
Friday Feb 16, 2018
Friday Feb 16, 2018
Our prayer for this week: God, please enable me to set aside everything I think I know for an open mind and a new experience. Help me see the Truth about my mental obesession before I start to overeat or undereat.
In this Chapter we look at how most of us were unwilling to admit that we were real compulsive eaters. We are still looking at what goes on in the mind with respect to compulsive eating (incl. acting out with food, body obsession and food behaviors) without excess food or trigger foods in my system. Where eating excess food is concerned, can I see that I am mentally different from my fellows?
- Why is it, that when i stop for any length of time, I cannot stay stopped on my own power?
- Can I see that I have lost the power? choice? control?
These words are interchangable. Do I believe the delusion that I am like normal people? The belief that I am like normal eaters, even when abstinent, has to be smashed if I am to recover. No one - not even science- can make a normal eater out of a compulsive eater.
But there is a solution...