Week 14: Melissa Speaks on Step 4; Co 1, 2 + 3 Overview

Step 4: Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves

page 64-65 in the Big Book

In our step-work this week we review Col. one and two, discussing a few ways to gain clarity in column two so we can get to the root of our resentment.  We don’t tell the whole story of our resentment in column two. Our story of the resentment will come out plainly in column three. Keeping it simple, we sum up our resentment with a target statement of just a few words describing the resentment and place that in column two. . Then we move on to completing the first four parts of column three.

As I approach column three, I keep in mind my extended third step which I read each day for a week to my step partner. This can be found on page 25 of the Idiots Guide. Keeping in mind that I am like an actor who wants to run the whole show playing director, producer and all of the rules cast in the play of my life, I ask myself...where I can see how I've been "running the show" (step 3)? and describe...

How I see me/my role or how i need other people to see me

how I think people need to behave in my play

what roles I think people need to act out in my play in order for me to be okay, safe or happy in this world.

See the bottom of page 64 in the Big Book for the 7 areas of 'self' referenced here (in this assignment we do only the first 3).

We looked at the first 4 areas of 'self' in the 3rd column: Note: The FEAR is often the opposite of the role you and others play, but not always. Try that opposite fear on first then go from there. Limit the fears to 3 per section. So we complete column 3 in the areas below: 

Self Esteem: How I see or feel about myself. The role I've assigned myself:
Ex. I am the best spouse s/he could have. (Fear: bad spouse/not enough/too much)

Pride: This is how I think you and others should feel about me. The role I've assigned others. Ex. Others should see that I'm a capable person. (Fear: incapable)

Ambition: What I want to happen here. Start the sentence with "I want..."
Ex. I want my spouse to do more around the house (Fear: overburdened/ overeat)

Security: What I need here to be okay. Start sentence with "I need...to be ok" Ex. I need to be respected to be okay (Fear: disrespected )

When you are finished call your step partner and discuss your experience of completing this assignment. You are welcome to share individual third columns if you wish but you were not required.  It is OK to have a simple accountability call to make sure you are staying on task for your work, and to talk about your experience of doing the work. 

Remember,  you can always hear live examples of other members in various big book awakening workshops completing this third column on the general San Diego BBA website 

http://www.bbaworks.com/workshopsaudio/